A Deep Dive Into the INFP and ESTP Romantic Compatibility

An INFP and an ESTP person are entirely different individuals; one is introverted, and the other is extroverted; one is a feeler, and the other one is a thinker. While we can’t say this pairing can’t happen, it’s seldom a good match unless both work hard to adapt to one another.

Considering these two will rarely see eye to eye, numerous issues can arise in their daily lives. To ensure this doesn’t put their relationship at risk of failing, INFP and ESTP need to learn which areas they should work on and how to best go about that.

Today, we will show you precisely what happens when INFPs and ESTPs fall in love and what problems they may encounter as a couple. Let’s begin!

INFPs and ESTPs are largely incompatible because of their very contrasting natures. They may have a spark, but their mutual differences may prevent anything more meaningful from happening between them.

INFPs (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving) are also known as Mediators, and for good reason. They’re empathetic, observant, and compassionate. They tend to self-reflect and enjoy time alone, engaging in imaginative and creative endeavors.

As such, INFPs embrace individualism and have difficulties getting along with people whose values don’t align with their own. They’re also sensitive and gentle individuals with a keen eye for aesthetics. They can be pretty creative and enjoy expressing themselves through various art forms.

ESTPs (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving), or Entrepreneurs, are action-oriented and spontaneous. They also love living in the moment and chasing new experiences. So, it is no surprise that they don’t like planning or thinking of long-term goals. But that’s not to say they can’t also be practical and analytical when needed.

Art and aesthetics are not a priority for these types; they emphasize logic and solving real-life problems by devising pragmatic, practical solutions.

We can see that these two types are polar opposites if we delve into their cognitive functions.

The INFP personality type primarily relies on introverted feeling (Fi), a function oriented toward a powerful sense of self and led by core values and beliefs.

On the other hand, ESTPs lead with extraverted sensing (Se)—a function that’s present-oriented and focused on the current moment.

This doesn’t mean these two types are automatically doomed because of their differences. However, they’d have to do a lot of work, each on their own, to overcome them. That way, they may deepen their rapport and ensure their relationship lasts.

The INFP male and ESTP female pairings are unusual, as INFPs are typically women and ESTPs are typically men. However, this could be a good thing for their romantic compatibility—they both may feel like outcasts and bond over it.

The INFP male may find the ESTP female’s high energy levels and adventurous spirit enthralling. An ESTP female might, on the other hand, find an INFP male’s kindness refreshing and sweet. The difference in how they perceive the world might cause some friction, though.

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INFP females usually exhibit typical feminine features. However, they dislike traditional gender roles. They seem timid, but they have a mind of their own. Although charming and charismatic, INFP females may come across as socially inept.

ESTP males, on the other hand, are outgoing and adventurous. It’s not uncommon for them to behave in a risky way or pursue not-so-safe hobbies and activities just for fun.

This dangerous, bad-boy energy from ESTP males can be enchanting for INFP females. However, ESTPs are generally not expressive and warm, which an INFP female will start missing down the line.

Now that we know the basics about each type and their compatibility, let’s delve deeper into the similarities and differences between INFP and ESTP and explore how they affect their romantic relationship.

INFPs and ESTPs have different communication styles, which may pose a problem in the relationship—especially during the early stages.

INFP personalities can be relatively reserved, and their way of communicating is not as articulate as that of Entrepreneurs. They struggle with opening up and expressing their needs.

On the other hand, ESTPs are the total opposite. They are very blunt when communicating, which can hurt other people’s feelings, especially in a romantic relationship. This is why people often perceive them as rude or even mean.

INFPs and ESTPs have drastically opposing ways of dealing with conflict, too.

INFPs are notorious for their conflict avoidance. In such situations, they will withdraw and take time to process the issue alone before returning to resolve it. They aren’t prone to angry outbursts and yelling.

On the other hand, ESTPs can be a menace when resolving or approaching conflicts. They don’t shy away from confrontation or giving honest opinions, regardless of how painful it may be for the other side to hear. It’s also not uncommon for ESTPs to say something they don’t mean during a confrontation.

This could trigger INFPs on a deeper level. Being ambushed and put into a corner is a big deal-breaker for this type.

To avoid unnecessary drama and hurt feelings, INFPs and ESTPs should work on understanding each other and finding appropriate conflict resolution strategies they can utilize when necessary.

INFPs and ESTPs share some common values, such as flexibility and adaptability, which help them easily handle unexpected situations. They are also spontaneous and can maintain a sense of excitement in their bonds.

ESTPs are much more proactive in initiating and executing novelties and excitement. INFPs are introverts, which is why they can come off as more passive. While ESTPs will go out of their way to chase their thrills, INFPs would sometimes rather stay in their bubble and initiate change from within.

As a feeling type, the INFP is inclined to follow their heart when making decisions—a concept most ESTPs aren’t on board with. For ESTPs, coming up with a pragmatic solution is the only way to go. As problem solvers, they aren’t too concerned with other people’s feelings when a decision needs to be made.

Because of their Introverted Feeling (Fi), INFPs tend to make authentic decisions that reflect their inner values and belief systems. Sometimes, these decisions do not align with tradition and standard social norms. ESTPs can also make decisions that might be considered controversial or not aligned with what is traditional. However, they use inner logic and analytical thinking to reach them.

This isn’t seen as a good thing for INFP and ESTP romantic relationships. An INFP may find an ESTP’s decisive attitude threatening, as they often struggle to collect data for their decision-making processes.

However, if they use their strengths for good, they can help each other grow. Mediators can show Entrepreneurs how to stay in touch with their and other people’s needs, while ESTPs can bring a touch of objectivity into INFPs’ thinking processes.

INFP and ESTP's day-to-day lives have some similarities.

Neither INFPs nor ESTPs enjoy routines in their daily lives; they try to bring excitement and novelties into them by being spontaneous and going on adventures.

ESTPs are daredevils and risk-takers to their core, and while INFPs will enjoy some of these activities, they might also prefer a slightly quieter lifestyle. They have a high appreciation for their surroundings, which they channel by engaging in artistic endeavors.

Thus, these two types can agree on being spontaneous and going with the flow; however, they might spend their time differently, having contrasting hobbies.

They can still learn to get along, but it will take a lot of time and effort on both sides.

INFPs and ESTPs react to stress differently.

INFPs go into withdrawal mode, preferring to deal with it on their own rather than share it with others. They tend to disengage from stressors and retreat, essentially becoming avoidant. These individuals may find comfort in self-reflection, connecting with nature, writing, painting, or similar artistic pursuits.

ESTPs, on the other hand, may react impulsively and be very blunt instead of taking a moment to think before they react. They tend to lose control when stressed and are prone to lashing out at the people around them. Since they naturally perform better when around people, working alone can be one of the triggers of stress.

An INFP may view an ESTP's assertiveness as aggressive and threatening. An ESTP might judge an INFP for lacking the audacity to stand up for themselves.

Knowing and understanding how both personalities handle stress can help these types have a more healthy and stable relationship.

Potential issues in the INFP and ESTP relationship, aside from the ones mentioned, include the following:

Lack of empathy. ESTPs may not be aware of how their directness and emotional detachment affect their sensitive INFP partners and may not understand why this would make them feel bad. Meanwhile, Mediators see this lack of empathy and tact as overbearing and may lose interest quickly.
High individualism. Both INFPs and ESTPs are highly individualistic and value their freedom. If they are unable to be vulnerable and sacrifice some parts of themselves for the benefit of the relationship, they will likely not succeed in the long term.

To improve their relationship, Mediators and Entrepreneurs should try the following:

Use differences to grow together. For example, ESTPs can teach INFPs to grow thicker skin and become more self-reliant and pragmatic. Meanwhile, Mediators may deepen ESTP’s perspectives by opening them to a world of creativity and art.
Respect each other’s boundaries. INFPs will need time alone to recharge their social batteries and boost their energy levels, while ESTPs may not get this at first. Entrepreneurs must learn to respect their partner’s desire for solitude.
Learn to compromise. Both INFPs and ESTPs should be willing to compromise and adapt to their partners’ needs and preferences. INFPs should understand that ESTPs don’t necessarily want to hurt them by being direct and blunt, while Entrepreneurs should support INFPs' utterly different way of thinking.

If your personality test results show that you and your partner are as different as INFP and ESTP, you will likely have to invest extra energy and time to understand each other.

Many couples are as different as chalk and cheese and still make it together! All that matters is that you and your significant other are willing to overcome your differences and pay attention to one another’s needs for the sake of your relationship.

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