ESFJ Compatibility for Friendships & Romantic Relationships

It’s no news that ESFJs (Consuls) possess outstanding people skills. But even though they’re gifted at communication, there are certain types of people they just can’t seem to get along with. As strange as this may seem, it can be easily explained by ESFJ compatibility with different personalities.

Whether you’re an ESFJ wondering why some people don’t like you no matter how nice to them you are or someone looking to befriend or date an ESFJ, we’ve got you covered!

In this article, we’ll shed some light on ESFJ compatibility and interpersonal relationships, including friendships, romantic relationships, and more.

ESFJ Compatibility Chart for Love and Friendships

Before we delve into the best and worst matches for ESFJs, here’s a handy ESFJ compatibility chart that will give you a glimpse into how Consults generally relate to all 16 personality types:

Very Compatible


Somewhat Compatible


















For example, ESFJ compatibility with INFJs is somewhat low.

However, this isn’t to say that these types can’t build lasting friendships or romantic relationships—it might simply take more time and effort due to their differences.

5 Best Matches for ESFJs

ESFJ Compatibility

Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of ESFJ compatibility and discuss how Consuls get along with their five best matches: ISFJ, ESFP, ISFP, ESTJ, and ISTJ personality types.

#1. ISFJ and ESFJ Compatibility

ESFJs and ISFJs could be described as a match made in heaven, as they use the same cognitive functions, just in a different order. For this reason, ISFJs and ESFJs tend to understand each other intuitively and share similar views and values.

Most importantly, both of them are strong users of extraverted feeling (Fe), a cognitive function that is concerned with social harmony. Because of this, both types love helping people and put a lot of effort into maintaining harmonious relationships with others, which makes a rock-solid relationship foundation.

Be it a platonic or romantic relationship, ISFJs and ESFJs are likely to forge strong, meaningful connections centered around mutual understanding, respect, and emotional intimacy.

#2. ESFP and ESFJ Compatibility

ESFPs and ESFJs share many similarities, including a pragmatic mindset, a social personality, and a sensitive, empathetic nature. Because of this, they’re likely to get along well, especially because they tend to communicate gently with each other.

That said, the main difference between the two is that ESFPs are more flexible and spontaneous than ESFJs, who typically value structure, order, and organization.

Because of this, ESFPs can help ESFJs loosen up and become more comfortable with uncertainty. ESFJs, meanwhile, can help ESFPs embrace stability and create more structure in life, creating a mutually beneficial connection.

#3. ISFP and ESFJ Compatibility

ISFPs and ESFJs have their fair share of differences, but these usually only enhance their relationships.

ESFJs are often drawn to ISFPs because of their kind and adventurous spirits, whereas ISFPs appreciate ESFJs for their people skills, dependability, and generosity. Together, they can build strong, harmonious relationships that allow both types to grow as people.

However, ESFJs and ISFPs alike fear conflict and confrontation. If left unresolved, minor issues between them could amount to major problems. Because of this, both types should learn to address problems in a caring, loving, and open way rather than sweeping them under the rug.

#4. ESTJ and ESFJ Compatibility

ESTJ compatibility with ESFJs is generally high, as both of these types are practical, hardworking, and loyal. They both value stability and take commitment very seriously, so it’s not uncommon to see ESFJs and ESTJs in happy long-term relationships.

Both of these types also care about their social status and favor tradition over innovation. Since they have similar mindsets, values, and approaches to life, they tend to get along without much trouble.

That said, ESFJs crave to connect with people on an emotional level, but ESTJs don’t typically see much value in this. While this can cause friction in their relationships, finding a balance between logic and emotions can help both parties develop well-rounded personalities.

#5. ISTJ and ESFJ Compatibility

ESFJs and ISTJs are often drawn to each other because they see one another as stable, reliable, and dependable. Since these qualities mean a great deal to both types, they often build fulfilling relationships.

ESFJs are likely to trust ISTJs and feel safe with them, as ISTJs possess a strong sense of responsibility that permeates their entire lives, including relationships. Rather than running away when things get tough, they want to fix things, which is something ESFJs deeply admire.

On the downside, ISTJs tend to be very reserved, which ESFJs might interpret as a lack of emotional depth. However, over time, ESFJs can help ISTJs open up and become more comfortable with emotions and social interactions in general.

3 Worst Matches for ESFJs

ESFJ Personality Type

Next, let’s explore the worst matches for ESFJs: INTJs, INTPs, and INFPs.

#1. INTJ and ESFJ Compatibility

ESFJ compatibility with INTJs is very low, as these types have very little, if anything, in common.

INTJs embrace innovation and value knowledge and logic above all else. They love intellectual discussions, hypothesizing, and the like, which ESFJs usually aren’t interested in. After all, they’re highly focused on people—but INTJs would rather keep to themselves than discuss personal topics.

While it’s possible to make a relationship between an INTJ and an ESFJ work, it usually requires a lot of effort on both sides. Since INTJs crave a mental connection, whereas ESFJs desire to build emotional bonds, it can be hard for them to meet each other’s needs.

#2. INTP and ESFJ Compatibility

Despite sharing the same cognitive functions, ESFJ compatibility with INTPs is low. This isn’t surprising, given that their cognitive function stacks are inverted. In other words, ESFJs excel where INTPs fail and vice versa, which can create a lot of frustration between them.

This, coupled with the fact that INTPs and ESFJs have different views, values, and needs, is the main culprit behind their incompatibility. INTPs are likely to find ESFJs overly emotional, whereas ESFJs often feel like INTPs are too detached and private.

That said, the connection between them can be very rewarding if both parties see it as an opportunity to grow and overcome their weaknesses.

#3. INFP and ESFJ Compatibility

It may come as a surprise to see INFPs listed among the worst matches for ESFJs, but let’s be honest—even though both types value emotional intimacy, they’re simply too different. Because of this, INFP compatibility with ESFJs is rather low.

ESFJs may easily become frustrated with the dreamy, head-in-the-clouds nature of INFPs. INFPs, meanwhile, may find ESFJs too conventional and pragmatic for their liking. They may even feel as though ESFJs are limiting their self-expression by forcing them to adhere to social norms.

If you know anything about INFPs, you’re probably aware that this is a big no-no—they’re guided by dominant introverted feeling (Fi), after all.

What Is ESFJ Communication Style?

The ESFJ communication style is warm, concrete, and supportive. Generally speaking, people with this personality type have strong people skills that allow them to navigate social situations with ease.

When communicating with others, ESFJs tend to express their ideas clearly and focus on the matter at hand rather than exploring different possibilities.

While encouraging others comes naturally to ESFJs, they may have a hard time giving negative feedback to people. Although they can be assertive when the situation calls for it, they don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings and often avoid difficult conversations altogether.

Aside from that, ESFJs make very engaging conversation partners, as they love talking to people and are genuinely interested in what they have to say. They find it easy to connect with others emotionally, which helps them make friends everywhere they go.

How Do ESFJs Approach Dating and Relationships?

ESFJ Compatibility

ESFJs have a rather serious approach to dating and romantic relationships, as they value stability and commitment over fun and excitement. As such, it’s rather unusual for them to be seeking something casual—more often than not, ESFJs date to build a stable, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship with someone capable of loving them unconditionally.

What Do ESFJs Need in a Relationship?

Here’s what ESFJs generally need in a relationship:

  • Commitment. ESFJs make very loyal and devoted partners, and they need to be sure that their partner is in it for the long run. Also, they usually like the idea of marriage, as they tend to hold traditional values and consider social norms important.
  • Reciprocation. ESFJs offer unwavering support to their partners and go to great lengths to attend to their needs. While they are very generous, they could never be happy in a one-sided relationship.
  • Emotional connection. Most ESFJ men and women couldn’t imagine a fulfilling relationship without a strong emotional connection. They want to know their partners inside out, so being emotionally vulnerable with them is one way to make them happy.

What Are the Challenges of Dating ESFJs?

The greatest challenge of dating ESFJs is the fact that they don’t deal well with conflict. Since they view it as a threat to their relationships, they tend to avoid discussing their concerns, needs, or anything else that they think could rub their partner the wrong way.

Besides conflict avoidance, some other challenges of dating ESFJs include:

  • Clinginess. It’s no secret that ESFJs thrive on social interaction and love attention. Unfortunately, this can cause them to violate their significant others’ boundaries—it’s not that easy for ESFJs to accept that their partners may need some alone time.
  • Validation-seeking. ESFJs need constant reassurance and validation from their partners. If their significant others fail to meet these needs, they may even seek validation outside of the relationship.
  • Sensitivity. ESFJs tend to take criticism very personally, so it doesn’t take much to hurt their feelings. Because of this, people who tend to communicate directly may feel like they have to walk on eggshells around ESFJs.

What Are ESFJs Like as Friends?

As friends, ESFJs are supportive, helpful, dependable, and fiercely loyal. Being very outgoing, they usually have a wide circle of friends. However, their friendships aren’t superficial—Consuls strive to build close bonds with their friends, and they usually succeed in doing so thanks to their exceptional people skills.

There’s little ESFJs love more than gathering all of their friends together, so they often host parties and casual hangouts. However, throwing fun get-togethers isn’t the only area where their organizational skills shine. No matter how busy they are, ESFJs do everything within their power to make time for their friends, which helps them cultivate long-lasting relationships.

While they love spending quality time with their friends, ESFJs primarily show their friends how much they mean to them through acts of service. As such, they’re always there when their friends need help—be it in the form of insightful advice, a shoulder to cry on, or a practical solution to a problem.

Moreover, ESFJs tend to be very devoted to their friends. They make it a point to defend them no matter what—in their eyes, their friends could do no wrong. Needless to say, they’re the type of people who stick with their buddies through thick and thin!

What Are ESFJs Like as Parents?

ESFJ parents

As parents, ESFJs are protective, sensitive, and caring. Even though they see parenthood as a huge responsibility, they genuinely enjoy guiding their children through life and helping them grow into happy, kind-hearted, and well-mannered adults.

More often than not, ESFJ parents strive to instill strong values in their children and pass on family traditions to them. They also see it as their duty to protect their children from harm and provide them with a safe, healthy environment to grow up in. However, they can sometimes become overly protective of their kids.

They may, for example, stuff their children’s schedules with after-school activities to prevent them from hanging out with the wrong crowd—even if there’s no wrong crowd to begin with.

That said, ultimately, ESFJs make wonderful parents who do their best to attend to their children’s emotional needs, support their dreams, and prepare them for adulthood. Most importantly, they make it a point to be fully present with their kids, which helps them create a strong bond with them.

How Do ESFJ Cognitive Functions Affect Their Relationships?

Generally speaking, ESFJ compatibility with other personality types is closely tied to cognitive functions. It’s not a coincidence—these functions shape each personality type, so it’s only natural that they affect relationships, too.

On that note, let’s explore how ESFJ cognitive functions impact their friendships and romantic relationships!

Extraverted Feeling (Fe)

As the dominant function, extraverted feeling (Fe) makes ESFJs highly attuned to other people’s emotions. Because of this, they tend to consult with their parents, friends, and romantic partners when making important decisions.

However, ESFJs may sometimes prioritize other people’s needs above their own, so they should try to surround themselves with people who are as kind-hearted as they are.

Introverted Sensing (Si)

Due to auxiliary introverted sensing (Si), ESFJs tend to value comfort and stability in their relationships, which is one of the reasons they usually seek long-term relationships. It’s important for them to feel safe with their significant others, so they may not tolerate flighty or unpredictable behavior.

They may also hold conventional views and values, so they may, for example, want to preserve traditional gender roles in their relationships.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne)

Since extraverted intuition (Ne) is the tertiary ESFJ cognitive function, it doesn’t affect their relationships nearly as strongly as the first two. However, they often use this function to fuel their creativity. This might manifest in relationships as thoughtful surprises for their loved ones or creative solutions to problems, for example.

Because of tertiary Ne, ESFJs might also find it difficult to get along with people whose opinions are vastly different from theirs.

Introverted Thinking (Ti)

In relationships, ESFJs’ inferior introverted thinking (Ti) often manifests as overthinking. They are no strangers to replaying conversations in their heads over and over again, which more often leads to anxiety than clarity.

ESFJs may also struggle with critical and analytical thinking, which is why they tend to take it extremely hard when people criticize their logic or thought process.

Key Takeaways

And now you know all there is to ESFJ compatibility!

That said, Consuls can build lasting relationships with virtually anyone. It might just be a bit more difficult with someone who isn’t naturally compatible with them.

Lastly, let’s go over the key points we covered:

  • ESFJ compatibility is highest with sensing personality types who value loyalty and stability as much as they do, such as ESTJ, ISFJ, and ISFP.
  • The worst matches for ESFJs are INTJs, INTPs, and INFPs, as they have very different values and worldviews from Consuls.
  • ESFJs make loyal, supportive, and caring romantic partners, friends, and parents who often place their loved one’s happiness above their own.

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