INFJ Love Language: The Counselor Loving and Receiving Love

The most common INFJ love language combination is quality time and words of affirmation, although which ones and in what proportion exactly depend on each individual Counselor.

Therefore, INFJs mostly express and receive love by spending quality time with their loved ones. However, as a feeling type, the Counselor is sensitive, often connecting and communicating with others through verbal affirmation, too.

Let’s explore different love languages and see how INFJ shows love in some practical examples.

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s theory, the five love languages are the five most common ways people express and receive love in their connections, including romantic partnerships, friendships, and family relationships.

While most people respond to more than one love language, many of them have a preference. However, the way you express love can differ from the way you prefer to receive it. Additionally, you may prioritize different love languages with different people, depending on the nature and dynamics of your interpersonal connections.

Let’s see what the five love languages are:

  • Acts of service: This love language centers around making an effort to make another person’s life easier and more enjoyable. From taking on your partner's chores to planning a surprise for them, acts of service encompass numerous gestures of affection.
  • Gift-giving: When someone shows how well they know you with a perfect present, it means speaking the gift-giving love language.
  • Physical touch: From warm hugs and cuddling to sex, physical touch includes different forms of physical closeness and affection.
  • Quality time: This love language focuses on spending time with your loved ones doing something you all enjoy. While that can include meticulously planned activities, enjoying a quiet evening at home or going out for drinks counts as quality time, too.
  • Words of affirmation: Expressing and receiving love through different forms of verbal validation means speaking the “words of affirmation” love language. These validations range from romantic love professions to verbal encouragement and support.

How INFJs Show Love

INFJs mainly show love through spending quality time with their loved ones, as mentioned above, although words of affirmation and physical touch also rank highly on their list of preferred love languages.

An INFJ is likely to express love by setting time aside for their partner, whether it be enjoying their favorite activity with them or having a quiet date night. As a feeling type, the Counselor is rather sensitive and compassionate, placing a high value on their relationships as well as their loved ones’ well-being.

Moreover, when they’re comfortable around someone, they’re very supportive of their goals, dreams, and hobbies, which often translates to an INFJ taking an interest in their loved one’s hobbies and interests.

As such, INFJs often verbally validate their loved ones by voicing their feelings for them and vocally encouraging them in their pursuit of happiness.

Counselors uphold loyalty and commitment in romantic relationships, striving for a meaningful connection rather than a short-term affair.

Lastly, INFJ’s affinity for physical touch stems from their auxiliary cognitive function, extraverted feeling (Fe), which determines how they act around others. Since it’s directed outward, INFJs are good at understanding the emotions of others. As a result, they’re naturally empathetic and warm, which is reflected in their physical affection.

INFJ Female Love Language

INFJ females’ love language is quality time. While they’re affectionate, they usually aren’t typical sweet talkers because of their shy nature. However, they enjoy sharing their interests and dreams with others, which is why they seek partners with whom they can spend quality time discussing various topics.

INFJ Male Love Language

INFJ males’ love language is often words of affirmation. They appreciate uniqueness and wisdom and don’t shy away from complimenting their significant other once they get comfortable around them. Additionally, they’re highly in tune with their emotions, often verbally expressing them to their partner.

How INFJs Would Like to Receive Love

INFJ Love Language

INFJs like to receive love the same way they express it—through quality time and words of affirmation. Remember, they seek meaningful connections, so making an effort to get to know them can sweep them off their feet. That can include learning about their interests and participating in their hobbies.

For example, you can surprise them with a carefully planned date that involves some of their favorite activities. You don’t need to overdo it, as a quiet evening indoors is an excellent opportunity for bonding on an intellectual level, which INFJs enjoy doing. Namely, their tertiary cognitive function is introverted thinking (Ti), which ignites their thirst for knowledge.

Counselors often research a variety of topics, seeking to better understand the world. Thus, a date involving an intellectually stimulating conversation is time well spent for them. Additionally, it’s a chance for you to get to know their world, which can include various interests, from quantum physics to spirituality.

As you get settled in their world and they get comfortable around you, you can flatter them. One of the INFJ love languages is words of affirmation, so they respond well to compliments.

As stated in an fMRI study on compliment sharing, receiving compliments from the partner can be considered highly relevant to evaluating the social self, the level of integration and affection, and, thereby, acting in a particularly rewarding way.

However, keep it honest and tasteful—as affectionate and sensitive as they are, INFJs aren’t afraid to end relationships where they don’t feel genuinely appreciated.

Moreover, they often feel misunderstood, which is why verbal reassurance and sincere love professions can help bond with them.

Finally, INFJs are very receptive to physical displays of affection, from hugs to sex, but they’re usually selective about who they connect with physically. That’s why you need to appreciate their efforts and reciprocate their affection.

Counselors are quite responsive to other people’s behavior toward them due to their dominant cognitive function, introverted intuition (Ni). It drives their perception of the world, making them rather insightful.

Can INFJs Have Other Love Languages?

INFJs can have other love languages aside from quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch, but there are certain idiosyncrasies in how they express them and how often:

Let’s examine that:

  • Acts of service: INFJ love language includes acts of service but to a lesser degree. Counselors are helpful, but they value their autonomy, which is why they don’t tend to rely on others to finish their tasks. However, combining acts of service with physical touch and offering them a massage can be a way to express love to Counselors.
  • Gift-giving: While they value beauty, INFJs aren’t too concerned with the physical world. However, they’re usually quite artsy, often gifting their loved ones DIY gifts. As for receiving presents, they would appreciate something that shows how well you know them, such as a playlist of their favorite songs.

Key Takeaways

  • Quality time and words of affirmation are the most typical INFJ love languages, followed closely by physical touch.
  • Understanding INFJ love language requires getting to know them and taking an interest in their hobbies to form a meaningful connection with them.
  • Although acts of service and gift-giving are less common INFJ love languages, they can respond to them in combination with one of the highly ranked three.
  • INFJs express and receive love through bonding with their partner on an intellectual level, sharing their passions, and voicing their emotions and support.
  • INFJ love language preference stems from their cognitive functions, which determine their interpersonal behaviors, including romantic relationships.

INFJ Love Language FAQ

#1. What do INFJs do when they fall in love?

When they fall in love, INFJs are very devoted and become their partner’s biggest fan. They tend to be shy, but once they get comfortable around someone, they typically express their affection by taking an interest in their hobbies, getting to know them, and bonding with them on an intellectual level.

#2. Do INFJs love physical touch?

Yes, INFJs love physical touch, although it’s their third favorite love language. They’re warm and sensitive, so they’re no strangers to long hugs and displays of physical affection. However, they don’t let anyone into their world, and that translates to them being selective about who they’re physically close with.

#3. What melts an INFJ’s heart?

Loyalty, devotion, and sincere effort can melt an INFJ’s heart. Those efforts include getting to know them and their interests, participating in their favorite activities, and giving them sincere compliments, as words of affirmation are integral to the INFJ love language. Additionally, they appreciate a partner who takes an interest in their mind and with whom they can share their thoughts.

#4. What pushes INFJs away?

Dishonesty, lack of devotion, and poor communication are likely to push INFJs away. They’re independent, and they choose to be alone rather than stay in a relationship where they’re underappreciated. Thus, being honest with them, committed, and appreciating their efforts are key to a healthy relationship with an INFJ.


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