INTJ Compatibility, Dating, and Relationships [+5 Best Matches]
by Lisa Sparrow
Everyone needs love and friendship. Even restrained, self-absorbed INTJ people, also known as Architects (because they tend to measure and analyze everything). Still, due to their specific characters, they aren’t compatible with many other personality types.
To know whether you would make a good romantic match with an INTJ, you need to analyze the similarities and differences between them and other personality types.
We’ve created a comprehensive guide on INTJ compatibility with other personalities where you can learn about:
- INTJ Compatibility Chart for Love and Friendships
- 5 Best Matches for INTJs
- 3 Worst Matches for INTJs
- How Do INTJs Approach Dating and Relationships?
And much more!
Let’s dive in.
INTJ Compatibility Chart for Love and Friendships
INTJs can build long-lasting relationships with any personality type. However, their specific and reserved nature (typical for introverts) doesn’t appeal to everyone.
To help you understand INTJ compatibility better, we created a compatibility chart where you can see how compatible INTJs are with the rest of the personality types.
5 Best Matches for INTJs
We've already seen which personality types are the best matches for INTJs. Check out the following list to find out why it is so!
#1. ENFP and INTJ Compatibility
At first glance, ENFPs and INTJs may seem like complete opposites due to the differences in their Feeling and Thinking cognitive functions.
Yet, don’t be hasty in your judgment—these two personality types actually make a very inspiring and sublime combination. In fact, both of them are attracted to each other due to the qualities they themselves don’t possess.
Rational and reserved INTJs are smitten by the warm personalities and open-mindedness of ENFPs. The ability of ENFPs to socialize and interact with people so casually fascinates them since they are more aloof. With such partners, INTJ people learn to familiarize themselves with their emotions and define their values more easily.
On the other hand, ENFPs need a reality check from time to time—and INTJs can give them one. Once they pair with this personality type, ENFP people learn to be more objective and use logic to achieve their long-term goals. This balance is one of the main reasons why these two personality types are so compatible.
#2. ENTP and INTJ Compatibility
ENTPs and INTJs get attracted to each other primarily due to their intellectual abilities. Both personality types are sapiosexuals and enjoy the attention of smart, enlightened people.
Getting to know each other gives them the impression that they’ve finally found someone equal to them; someone with whom they can talk about lofty topics and complex matters. INTJs and ENTPs are also compatible when it comes to love languages (quality time and physical touch), which makes it easier for them to express their feelings to each other.
Other things that connect them are an incredible desire to explore and brainstorm new ideas. Together, they make an outstanding team. ENTPs focus on the future and develop ideas, while INTJs strategize and find the most practical ways to turn them into reality.
#3. ENTJ and INTJ Compatibility
INTJs and ENTJs have much in common and are quite similar. If we exclude the extroversion/introversion difference, these two personality types are practically the same. Both types are focused on personal growth and logical creativity, and see the world through the same lens.
Since they have many similar personality traits, these two personality types get each other quite well. They are compatible because they understand each other’s ideals, values, and goals better than any other personality type would. Both INTJs and ENTJs enjoy a well-structured life and strive to live in an organized environment.
Like INTJs, ENTJ people appreciate their privacy more than anything and don’t pour their hearts out easily. For this reason, these two types may sometimes struggle with expressing their emotions but won’t hold grudges against each other.
#4. INTJ and INTJ Compatibility
This one may be kind of expected. INTJs have certain expectations from relationships that only a fellow INTJ can meet and understand completely. Hence, this combination is almost perfect.
First things first, INTJs have mutual interests and enjoy sharing their insights with similar people who will understand where they’re coming from. This is a good foundation for excellent communication. Besides common perspectives, they are also compatible due to their similar priorities and activities, so their time together is always interesting and productive.
The only thing that can potentially disrupt the harmony of their relationship is competitiveness. INTJs are rather ambitious and may be tempted to treat their partners like rivals. Luckily, if both individuals are willing to work on overcoming their weaknesses, they can have a bright future together.
#5. INFJ and INTJ Compatibility
INTJs and INFJs are another combination of personality types that have quite a few traits in common thanks to their dominant cognitive function, Introverted Intuition. They like to get detached from the world, concentrate on their goals, and lead deep conversations about the meaning of life.
Since INFJ and INTJ are introverted types, they will both understand each other’s need for privacy and some alone time. None of them will get angry if their partner needs some time to relax on their own and process the things happening around them. INTJs can hardly find this level of understanding in anyone else who isn’t similar to them.
Moreover, INFJs are the more emotional of the two. INTJs prefer to rely on their reasoning rather than their feelings, which can seem like a huge gap. Still, if the love and connection are strong, they’ll find a common ground and learn how to effectively show affection to each other.
3 Worst Matches for INTJs
Just like some personality types that can handle INTJs better than others, there are also some that can rarely do it. Here’s a list of the top three worst matches for INTJ people.
#1. ESTJ and INTJ Compatibility
For introverted and unsociable INTJs, ESTJs are too communicative and lively. On the other hand, ESTJs admire INTJs for their wisdom and insights but are irritated by their philosophical way of thinking.
Also, these two personality types value life aspects differently. INTJs rely on their intuition and enjoy discussing deep and abstract topics. In contrast, ESTJs find Sensing-related matters crucial and appreciate them more. These differences can cause arguments and conflicts related to the most relevant matters in a relationship.
#2. ISFP and INTJ Compatibility
Although both personality types are introverted, they are not as compatible as expected. While INTJs are very logical and value facts, ISFPs observe everything through the prism of feelings. They always listen to their hearts when making important decisions, which can make INTJ people look down on them or consider them weak and biased.
They may also experience a serious problem if their interests don’t match. Without common activities or interests, INTJs and ISFPs will not have much to talk about. This can cause an unnatural silence between them and make them start to question the quality of their relationship.
#3. ESFJ and INTJ Compatibility
Just like with ESTJs, the biggest issue INTJ people have with ESFJs is that they don’t share the same perspectives and life values. In fact, they can’t be more opposite than they already are.
Besides having different perceiving and judging functions, these two personality types differ in their core traits.
There’s the well-known extroversion/introversion gap, as well as the difference between their intellectual functions. ESFJs communicate with people using their Extraverted Feeling and intuition, while INTJs do it by using Extraverted Thinking. Due to this difference, they are unable to communicate their points of view to their partners without causing a conflict.
How Do INTJs Approach Dating and Relationships?
INTJ people don’t consider romance a priority.
Their rationality doesn’t match the general nature of love. Instead, they often perceive love and relationships as an obligation or something that is bound to happen. This applies until they meet someone who sparks their interest and attracts them on a higher level.
For INTJs, the perfect romantic relationship is the one built with a smart, independent person. They are attracted to intelligence rather than physical appearance, and don’t pursue superficial relationships. INTJ people spend too much time ensuring that the person of interest is actually what they’re looking for—not just a pretty face.
Hence, it might be difficult for them to make a meaningful connection.
People with this personality type want a partner equal to them. They don’t want small talk and prefer to get to know their future partner by observing their perspective on life.
INTJs also don’t like playing love games and appreciate honesty above all. They won’t mind if you criticize them, as they tend to self-analyze all the time. Yet, if you lie to them, cheat on them, or if they notice you’re “testing” them in any kind of way, they’ll kiss the relationship goodbye.
What Do INTJs Need in a Relationship?
If you were already so lucky to catch the attention of an INTJ, it’s time to learn how to keep it.
To remain drawn to someone and have a fulfilling romance, people with this personality type need:
- Deep conversations. INTJs usually connect best with other intuitive personality types who enjoy discussing abstract topics. They need to be able to share their views, dreams, and plans with their loved ones to feel understood
- Frequent “me time” sessions. Yes, INTJ people love spending time with their partners. Yet, since they are rather independent, they don’t want someone to be around them all the time. Instead, INTJs sometimes prefer to do activities separately and spend some time alone. They simply need it to feel free and enjoy their privacy, which means the world to them.
- An authentic partner. We’ve already mentioned that honesty is a must-have for INTJs. For them, being authentic means not hiding your true self. They need to see and feel the core of your being to get to know you and decide if they can believe you.
What Are INTJs Like as Romantic Partners?
Once they make a strong connection with someone and fall in love, INTJs usually turn into amazing partners. Here’s what being in a romantic relationship with a person of this personality type looks like:
- They’ll support your ideas and growth. INTJs live to realize their dreams and will be happy to help you do that, too. Instead of making romantic gestures—which is highly unlikely—they’ll show you they love you by being your most loyal fan. They’ll always be happy for your success and celebrate it with you.
- They won’t cheat. Of course, not all people are the same. Still, neither INTJ males nor INTJ females believe in relationships after cheating. They nurture moral values and are unlikely to get attracted to another person if they already have a true connection with someone. Logically, INTJs don’t tolerate affairs either and will cut you off if you attempt to have one.
- They will listen to you carefully and offer an honest opinion. Just like INFJs, INTJ people will always actively listen to their partners. However, unlike Advocates, they won’t hesitate to tell you what they honestly think, even if it’s too direct or unpleasant to hear. It sounds harsh, but they’ll only do it for your own good.
- They’ll give you all the independence you need. As they enjoy their freedom more than anything, they’ll gladly ensure you have yours, too. If you need some time to spend on your own, you won’t need to ask for it twice.
Once you befriend an INTJ, you get a companion for life. Even though they might seem too self-centered, they really do care about the people they consider their true friends.
INTJ people aren’t the most expressive persons on Earth. They won’t shower you with compliments or cry out of happiness if something amazing happens to you. Yet, they’ll find other ways to show how much they love and appreciate your presence in their lives.
Even when no one else understands you, an INTJ will stand by your side and protect you from anything that could do you wrong. And not only when you’re struggling, but at any other time. Their morals don’t allow them to be disloyal or abandon a friend, no matter how difficult certain situations might be.
If you find it difficult to swallow criticism, a friendship with this personality type may seem like too much to cope with. INTJs tend to be quite upfront and honest with their loved ones, even if it means they’ll sometimes sound cruel. They may react in the same manner if they notice their friends are giving up on their goals or not fighting for themselves.
What Are INTJs Like as Parents?
Like any other parent, INTJ mothers and fathers want the best for their children. Yet, their perspectives usually differ from those of other personality types.
INTJs usually practice so-called “tough love” on their kids. They’re rather realistic and don’t believe in fairytales, knowing that the world is full of injustice and bad things. Hence, they strive to prepare their children for living in such a world by being brutally honest with them about how everything in life works.
Due to their style of parenting, other people may perceive INTJ parents as harsh and cold. That’s far from the truth.
INTJs are loving and affectionate parents who know how to communicate with their children and support their hopes and dreams. They won’t act like they’re their children’s best friends. Still, they will always be there to catch them when they fall, and help them stand up stronger than ever.
What Are the Most Common INTJ Relationship Issues?
INTJs can be amazing people to have around. Yet, relationships with them don’t come without any challenges. You may notice that they:
- Come across as feelingless. INTJs indeed prefer logic over emotions, but it doesn’t mean they’re heartless. They just don’t feel comfortable showing their feelings to someone until they are assured they won’t get hurt. Still, their seemingly cold facade may hurt their partners if they expect certain gestures of affection.
- Often withdraw themselves. INTJ people are often detached from the world around them. They have so many things to think about and so many ideas to realize, that they may not be willing to interact with others—even their loved ones. This often makes them look unapproachable, as not everyone is able to understand such actions.
- Don’t react much to their partner’s sentiments. Even if they get into a relationship with a more emotional partner, it doesn’t mean they’ll always understand them. INTJs tend to discount their significant other’s feelings as exaggerated or ungrounded. Such actions can easily disappoint and hurt their loved ones.
How Do INTJ Cognitive Functions Affect Their Relationships?
Knowing about INTJs’ cognitive functions can help you learn more about how this personality type functions in a relationship. In the list below, you’ll find out how each of them affects INTJ love and dating.
#1. Introverted Intuition (Ni)
As mentioned previously, Introverted Intuition (Ni) is the dominant cognitive function of INTJs. Since it’s responsible for their power of perception, Ni allows INTJs to “see through” people and judge them infallibly. Thanks to this function, they will know if someone is phony or hiding their true intentions, which can help them avoid getting hurt in the future.
Along with the auxiliary function (Extraverted Thinking), Introverted Intuition also makes INTJs seek a life companion that will understand them. As they choose smart people for their partners, INTJ people will love hearing the ideas of their loved ones and sharing insights with them. They can cope with criticism, as it only helps them improve themselves and thrive.
#2. Extraverted Thinking (Te)
If you’ve been wondering what is responsible for INTJs’ insensitivity, the answer is simple. It’s their Extraverted Thinking (Te). This function lets them express their judgments without holding back, even if they know someone might get hurt.
INTJs don’t have the typical people-pleasing attitude. Instead, they tend to be harsh in their attempts to bring awareness to others and may come across as arrogant.
They may also act as if they are more enlightened than their partner, which can be rather humiliating. These traits are not what any healthy partner wants to see when they look at their significant other. For this reason, they might struggle to find someone who’ll understand and embrace them just the way they are.
#3. Introverted Feeling (Fi)
Introverted Feeling (Fi) is the tertiary cognitive function in INTJs. It’s the weakest one, and also the main culprit for the savior complex people with this personality type usually develop.
Although they tend to judge people correctly, INTJs often find themselves infatuated with people whom they feel they need to “fix.” They see a problem in the person of interest, and their natural urge to solve issues and fix things comes to the surface. INTJs will do their best to analyze the situation and remove complications, with the ultimate goal of healing their partner.
Still, fixing people isn’t a cakewalk, and realizing that can disappoint INTJs. Not only may such rescue operations be unsuccessful, but they can also drain most of INTJs’ energy.
#4. Extraverted Sensing (Se)
Extraverted Sensing (Se) is INTJs’ inferior function. It represents a whole new, mystical world for people with this personality type. Because it’s so enigmatic, INFJs often feel the need to explore it and experience something different from what their dominant function (Ni) brings them.
Due to the impact this function may have on them, INTJs may start showing their experimental side. This means they’ll choose to do things they usually don’t do or make strange choices when it comes to partners and relationships. They may connect with people who aren’t a good match for them, just because they look good or have the opposite traits.
This might seem exciting to INTJs. But more often, it’s a recipe for trouble. Once they come round, they might end up hurt, which can only deepen their insecurity about love.
How Do INTJs Deal With Breakups?
Like most other things in life, INTJs approach breakups analytically. If they feel bad in a relationship for some reason, they will not call it a day right away.
A healthy INTJ will do their best to figure out what went wrong and if they can fix it regardless of who initiated the breakup. Giving up at the first sign of a disagreement isn’t their style. If they can keep the person they love, they’ll do it because they can’t connect with someone else so easily.
In case the end is inevitable, INTJ people will accept it, even though they will be rather hurt. Moreover, they may have even more trouble believing people or feel guilty and frustrated. Still, they will try to stay calm and analyze the breakup to see if they have made any mistakes they overlooked.
In such moments, people with this personality type usually withdraw and don’t want to see anyone. They will use their time alone to contemplate the situation, find answers to all their questions, and heal themselves. Still, when in front of people, INTJs will hide their emotions and act cool since they don’t want people to see their pain and take advantage of it.
After reading this article, you now know everything about INTJ compatibility with other personality types. Let’s summarize it to point out the key parts:
- INTJs are most compatible with ENFP, ENTJ, ENTP, and their fellow INTJ people.
- On the other hand, INTJ people can’t function well with personality types such as ESTJs, ISFPs, and ESFJs due to emotional and perception differences.
- The main problems an INTJ can experience in relationships are a lack of emotional response and a tendency to seek solitude. These issues can cause major conflicts and arguments with their partners and ruin the harmony they’ve built with somebody.
- When hurt or broken up with, INTJ people tend to spend a lot of time alone and analyze the past relationship until they get the answers they need.