Insider's Guide to INTJ Love: Insights, Love Language & Tips

For INTJs, finding a soulmate isn't always simple. To get to this point, they have a long way to go, especially in terms of their adaptability and willingness to grow. However, if they are persistent enough, they can build a healthy relationship and significantly improve their love life.

If you’re curious about what happens when the energetic and independent INTJ falls in love and how you can make a relationship with one of them thrive, look no further!

In this guide, we bring you the essentials of INTJ love and help you discover:

What Are INTJs Like in Love?
What Should You Know Before Falling in Love With an INTJ?
How to Make an INTJ Fall in Love With You?
How Do You Know If an INTJ Loves You?

And much more!

For INTJ people, finding love is anything but a smooth-sailing experience.

The main reason for this is the way people with this personality type see romance—as a secondary, not-so-important life aspect. INTJs have so many visions and ideas that they need to realize that they don’t have much time to think about finding a partner. This applies until, of course, they notice a person that sparks their interest.

There comes another problem: INTJ people are often difficult to please when it comes to choosing a partner. These individuals need someone intellectually compatible with them. The chances of INTJs settling for shallow people, regardless of their other qualities, are almost non-existent.

And, if an INTJ doesn’t find what they seek, they’ll just wait until someone more adequate shows up.

Even if you intrigue them, INTJs will want to think through their choice before showing any signs of affection. They are unlikely to let themselves dive into a relationship without making sure you are a good match for them. For this reason, they may seem a bit cold or restrained in the beginning, but don’t worry—it’s just their caution.

Still, once an INTJ feels they have a solid connection with you, their attitude will change. They’ll start opening up and letting you into their world so that you can get to know them better. Upon bonding with you, they’ll become your protector and motivator and do their best to keep you by their side for the long term.

Find out your love language!

Curious to find out what’s so good about being in a relationship with an INTJ? Let’s see what their major strengths are when it comes to love:

Willingness to face and solve conflicts (unlike INFJs!)
Commitment to making the relationship grow
Self-confidence, which allows them to be supportive of their partners and teach them how to gain self-assurance
Strong intuition, thanks to which they’ll always know if something is wrong with the relationship or if their loved one needs them
Amazing active listening skills

Nonetheless, not everything in INTJ love comes up roses. Here are the most common weaknesses INTJs may show in a relationship:

Being insensitive toward their partner
Handling conflicts with reason instead of emotional support
Not expressing their feelings openly
Not accepting blame when they’re actually guilty
Believing they’re always right
Struggling with explaining their thoughts to their partner

When it comes to love languages that INTJs prefer when showing and receiving affection, these are the two most common options:

Quality time. If you love spending hours doing fun and engaging activities with your partner, you may be the right match for an INTJ. They are happiest when cooking, hiking, and having lively, intellectually stimulating debates with their loved ones. It’s the perfect way to connect with their favorite person and enjoy the relationship to the fullest.
Acts of service. INTJs will not shower you with compliments, make romantic gestures, or write love songs for you. That’s not how they court or show affection. Instead, they’ll help you with your chores, cook for you, or help you financially. In other words, INTJs want to be useful and at your service, and they expect the same from you.

So, what are the biggest challenges and blessings of falling for an INTJ?

Let’s find out!

INTJs are natural critics. Although they may love you more than anything, you are unlikely to escape the occasional avalanche of criticism.

The reason for such behavior lies in the INTJs’ ambitious and result-driven nature. They’d go to the end of the world to achieve their goals and expect the same from their closest people. If they notice that their partner lacks the initiative to fight for their ideals, INTJs will let them know they’re wrong. The problem is, however, that their comments often sound rather ruthless.

At times, your INTJ partner may not even be aware of how hurtful their approach might be. Still, you should remember that they aren’t cruel on purpose. As time goes by, most INTJs realize they need to fix their attitude to avoid hurting the person they love.

When it comes to feelings, INTJ people prefer to hide them until they believe it’s safe to let them come to the surface. They believe this side of their personality should remain private and usually consider people who think differently weak.

That being said, INTJs are often considered emotionless and cold. Still, this is far from the truth. Once you gain their trust and show affection, your INTJ partner will feel free to show you that they love you in their own way. They just need time to confirm that you won’t let them down before they open up and become vulnerable in front of you.

INTJ males and females won’t form any bonds with you unless they want to keep you in their lives for good.

INTJs don’t have time for superficial relationships. Instead, they strive for a healthy relationship with someone with whom they’ll be able to compromise and live a happy life. If an INTJ finds such a partner, they’ll do their best to never let their loved one down.

Their commitment and emotions are reserved only for the ones who will make their hearts skip a beat for years to come. So, if you want a fling with an INTJ, think twice before trying to woo them, as they’re unlikely to fall for such relationships.

Once you catch the attention of a picky INTJ, it’s not difficult to keep it that way as long as you show respect for their needs and interests.

Here’s what you should do to make an INTJ fall in love with you:

Don’t be afraid to show your depth. Physical looks don’t attract people with the INTJ personality type nearly as much as a person’s mind. They find enlightened people fascinating and enjoy their company. Being able to lead deep and constructive conversations with them is a fail-safe way to get their hearts.
Be patient. INTJ people are well-known for their restrained attitude. Even if they like you, they won’t say or show it right away since they’re afraid they might make a mistake. Give them some time to get to know you and become comfortable with expressing their emotions.
Give them space. Your INTJ partner will truly appreciate it if you don’t mind leaving them alone from time to time. As typical introverts, they like to spend some time on their own, despite enjoying your company. Realizing that you respect this habit of theirs will make them feel free and understood—and that’s a massive plus in their book!
Stick to the plans you made with them. Changing an arrangement you’ve previously made with an INTJ is a big no-no. INTJs worship order, so make sure you always respect the plans you make together.

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intj love - an upset intj couple sitting on a bench

While the right moves can attract your INTJ even more, the wrong ones can make them run for their lives!

Hence, let’s see what you should avoid doing if you want your INTJ partner to love you:

Making small talk. If there’s something INTJs hate when it comes to communication, it’s meaningless chit-chat. They are also highly intuitive and quickly realize if you’re trying to maintain a forced conversation.
Talking too much about your feelings. If you overwhelm an INTJ with intense displays of emotion too soon, they’ll probably get uncomfortable. Their nature doesn’t allow them to react in the same way as you. Hence, your attitude will make them believe they can’t reciprocate, feel pressured, and run away.
Not listening to their ideas. One of the relationship goals for INTJs is to find a person with whom they can share all their visions and plans. If they feel you don’t pay enough attention to what they’re talking about or you don’t support them enough, they’ll quickly shut down on you.

Regardless of how reserved most INTJ people may seem, they have their own ways of letting you know they care for you.

You’ll know you stole an INTJ’s heart when they:

Prefer spending time with you to being alone. As you’ve already learned, INTJ people can be aloof and appreciate their “me time” above everything else. So, if they ask you to stay a bit longer at their place or frequently ask you out on dates, it probably means they’ve gotten emotionally attached to you.
Speak to you or text you all the time. This action goes hand in hand with initiating more dates and common activities. When in love, INTJs enjoy talking about both essential and non-essential matters even when you’re apart.
Go the extra mile to help you achieve your goals. If an INTJ puts aside as much time as necessary to help you realize your ideas, that’s a sure-fire sign they care for you. They’ll listen attentively to everything you say, be eager to learn more about you, and will find ways to help you make your dreams come true.
Don’t make plans without you. INTJ people don’t waste time on people that mean nothing to them. So, what does it mean if they start planning trips for the next summer with you or talking about your future together? It’s simple—they’re totally in love with you and want you by their side for the long haul!

INTJs can be remarkable partners. Yet, like other personality types, they must work on their weaknesses and open themselves to maintain a special romantic bond with someone.

Here are some tips on how to keep your partner by your side as an INTJ and become even closer to them:

Express your emotions without fear. It’s understandable to be cautious with love declarations. Every INTJ is. However, if you match with someone on a deeper level, don’t be afraid to show and tell how you feel about them. Even if you aren’t ready to say “I love you” yet, let your partner know how much they mean to you by using their love languages.
Validate your partner’s feelings. Make your loved one feel heard and understood. Don’t respond to their concerns with coldness and restraint. Your support and reassurance can make a huge difference and help them cope with their problems more easily.
Learn to communicate. INTJs often struggle with communication because they don’t always acknowledge other people’s perspectives. You must be willing to work on this flaw, learn how to respect your partner’s opinions, and find common ground when conflicts arise.

A mature INTJ may not be so finicky when it comes to choosing a partner—they can bond with people regardless of their personality type.

Yet, there are always several personality types that are particularly compatible with INTJs and have a better chance of getting close to them.

NPs are the personality types that have Extraverted Intuition (Ne) in their cognitive function stack. This group includes INFPs, INTPs, ENFPs, and ENTPs.

Ne gives NPs a unique view of the world and the way they absorb information. In other words, these personality types are creative, always have innovative ideas, and love thinking outside the box. So, given the imaginative and sharp nature of INTJs, it’s not hard to figure out that NPs and “Masterminds” usually make a good match.

These two personality types will always have something to talk about, which lets them grow closer to each other. Both an NP and an INTJ will understand the other party and enjoy exploring new ideas and gaining new knowledge together.

While we are talking about NPs, more specifically INTPs group, check our resources about INTP males, their astonishing career paths, and also compare INTP-A & INTP-T identities and personality traits!

NJs—including INTJs, INFJs, ENTJs, and ENFJs—have Introverted Intuition (Ni) as their dominant or auxiliary function.

Since INTJs themselves belong to this group, they can get along pretty well with other personality types in it. All of them are smart, creative, and yearn for lifelong relationships, which means they usually share similar interests and goals.

Ni brings the special gift of being able to decode underlying meanings behind specific things and situations. For this reason, the NJ personality type group is highly perceptive. They always know if something is wrong with their partner, even if they tend to hide feelings like INTJs. Even better—they aren’t afraid to talk through any issues and communicate with their partner.

Discover who you're compatible with!

The SP personality group consists of ISFPs, ISTPs, ESFPs, and ESTPs. These personality types are affected by immediate sensory experience. This means they usually focus on things that happen in the present and tend to act on the spur of the moment.

As we are mentioning ESTPs, we got a comprehensive manual, from relatable ESTP anime characters to inspiring ESTP careers and renowned ESTP figures, so make sure to give it a look!

Unlike SPs, INTJs have futuristic visions and like making plans for the upcoming days. They use the present to analyze their goals and find the best ways to accomplish them.

This being said, an INTJ and any of the SP personality types may not be willing to adapt to each other’s perspectives. Still, if they decide to compromise and accept the differences between them, their relationship can have a happy ending.

ISFJs, ISTJs, ESFJs, and ESTJs belong to the SJ personality group. These personalities are known for sticking to the established rules no matter what and respecting traditions. Both extraverted and introverted SJs feel uncomfortable when people do anything that deviates from regular behavioral frames and social norms.

Speaking of ISFJs, be sure to read our guide on embracing the charm of ISFJ anime characters, exploring ISFJ cognitive functions, and last but not least, their sense of humor with ISFJ memes!

INTJs, on the other hand, love order and have strong moral principles, but they don’t like limiting themselves. Even though they have firm and set goals like SJs, their creativity needs room to thrive. Hence, INTJ people wouldn’t be too thrilled if SJs were trying to control their actions.

Also, SJ personality types base their decision-making on their senses, while INTJs rely on their intuition. Due to this, they might find it difficult to explain their thoughts and opinions to each other.

And that’s it!

We hope that this article helped you learn what INTJ love is like and what they need to feel loved.

People with this personality type can truly be a tough nut to crack. Their reserved attitude may discourage others from approaching them. Yet, once they show their true colors and win your heart, you can consider their presence in your life a blessing!

Take the personality test here!