ESTJ Compatibility in Love & Friendships: Best & Worst Matches
by Lisa Sparrow
ESTJs (Executives) are known for their strong personalities. While their forcefulness is admirable, it can cause friction in interpersonal relationships. Whether you’re an ESTJ or someone who has one in your inner circle, learning about ESTJ compatibility with other personality types can help you improve your relationships.
Not only does it explain how compatible ESTJs are with other personalities, but it can also help you anticipate potential relationship challenges, reveal opportunities for connection, and more.
So, if you’re looking to build harmonious relationships as an ESTJ or with ESTJs, keep reading!
ESTJ Compatibility Chart for Love and Friendships
Efficiency is the name of the game for ESTJs.
So, if you’re looking to gain insight into how Executives relate to different personality types in as little time as possible, check out this ESTJ compatibility chart:
5 Best Matches for ESTJs
While Executives can—and usually do—get on with all types of people, the best matches for ESTJs are ISTJ, ESTP, ESFJ, ISTP, and ESTJ personality types. Let’s see why!
#1. ESTP and ESTJ Compatibility
ESTPs and ESTJs share many similarities. Both types tend to be outgoing, ambitious, and practical. Not only that, but they also share an appreciation for honest, direct communication. This, coupled with their extroverted natures, helps them communicate clearly and effectively.
That said, these types deal with the external world in rather different ways. While ESTPs like to go with the flow and embrace change, ESTJs prefer structure, certainty, and planning.
Although such differences may be irritating (e.g., ESTJs may be put off by ESTPs’ impulsivity, whereas ESTPs may find ESTJs overly controlling), these types have a strong potential to build a fulfilling connection. Most importantly, they can help one another overcome their weaknesses and develop a balanced personality.
#2. ISTJ and ESTJ Compatibility
ESTJs’ cognitive function stack looks very similar to that of ISTJs, with the only difference being the order in which they use these functions. As such, these types have similar values, worldviews, and attitudes toward life, and they tend to complement one another pretty well.
ESTJs usually appreciate the calm, stable, and sensible nature of ISTJs and enjoy helping them navigate social situations (e.g., guiding them through networking events). Also, both types tend to support one another in achieving their goals, creating a sense of unity in their relationship—be it personal or professional.
That said, for these connections to work, ESTJs should not push ISTJs too far out of their comfort zones and respect their need for privacy and alone time.
#3. ISTP and ESTJ Compatibility
ISTPs and ESTJs are often thought to be a perfect match for one another. This is because their cognitive functions are very similar, except where one uses an extraverted function, the other uses an introverted one. Since their differences complement each other, these types have a lot of potential to build a harmonious relationship.
Both ISTPs and ESTJs make decisions based on facts and logic rather than their feelings, so they’re likely to find common ground without much effort. On top of that, ISTPs tend to breathe life into the relationship thanks to their spontaneity, whereas ESTJs bring a sense of safety and stability into the connection.
Still, ESTJs should remember that ISTPs are introverts and thus aren’t always up for chit-chat.
#4. ESFJ and ESTJ Compatibility
ESFJ and ESTJ compatibility is very high, as both types hold similar values. Not only do they embrace structure and tradition, but they also like to lead active social lives, often striving to contribute to their communities in one way or another. They also possess a strong sense of responsibility and tend to place family obligations high on their priority list.
That said, ESFJs are dominant extraverted feeling (Fe) users, which makes them sensitive, compassionate, and peace-loving. While this may not play a huge role in professional relationships, ESTJs should make an effort to attend to ESFJs’ emotional needs if they want to form a long-lasting friendship or romantic relationship.
#5. ESTJ and ESTJ Compatibility
ESTJ compatibility with other ESTJs is high, which is no surprise considering that people with the same personality type are likely to have similar preferences, values, and even lifestyles.
ESTJs tend to admire organized, objective, and confident people who evaluate things from a logical standpoint, respect tradition and social norms, and communicate clearly. Since they have all of these qualities, they often gravitate toward people with their personality type.
However, given that ESTJs like to be in charge, such a connection may be plagued with power struggles until both parties reach a compromise that works for them.
3 Worst Matches for ESTJs
Now, let’s learn about the worst matches for ESTJs: INFJ, INTP, and INFP personality types.
#1. INFJ and ESTJ Compatibility
ESTJ compatibility with INFJs is low because they have nearly opposite personalities, values, communication styles, and needs.
For instance, INFJs crave emotional depth and intimacy in relationships, but ESTJs prefer to avoid discussing emotional matters altogether. And while INFJs enjoy abstract, theoretical discussions, ESTJs would rather focus on the practical and concrete.
Moreover, ESTJs address problems and handle conflict directly, which can make INFJs rather uncomfortable. After all, they strive to maintain peace at any cost—even if it means sweeping things under the rug. Needless to say, such conflict avoidance might frustrate and even infuriate ESTJs.
#2. INTP and ESTJ Compatibility
Despite sharing a preference for thinking, INTPs and ESTJs rarely get along well. These types have little to nothing in common, and their differences are more likely to drive them apart than draw them closer.
Both types value logic and rationality. However, ESTJs are focused on efficiency, results, and practicality, whereas INTPs love exploring different theories and deepening their knowledge even if it can’t be applied in practice. Naturally, these types often struggle to understand one another.
It also doesn’t help that INTPs are rather laid-back, which ESTJs often interpret as laziness. Meanwhile, INTPs often regard ESTJs as highly demanding and rigid.
#3. INFP and ESTJ Compatibility
While ESTJs respect rules, tradition, and authority, INFPs value authenticity above all else. They question social norms and challenge the status quo, which ESTJs often view as unacceptable. However, this isn’t the only reason why ESTJ compatibility with INFPs is extremely low.
As dominant introverted feeling (Fi) users, INFPs are very sensitive and empathetic, which ESTJs tend to see as a weakness or a flaw. While INFPs value feelings, ESTJs regard them as fleeting and thus unreliable. This, coupled with the fact that ESTJs tend to communicate rather bluntly, is likely to cause tension between the two types.
ESTJ Communication Style
The ESTJ communication style can be best described as open, precise, direct, and assertive.
They’re called Executives for a reason—more often than not, ESTJs speak with power and authority. Being result-oriented, they excel at clearly communicating what, when, and how needs to be done, which is why they often make great leaders. Also, since they value clarity and efficiency, it’s not unusual for them to skip the small talk and get straight to the point.
However, due to their bluntness and tendency to focus on facts rather than emotions, ESTJs may come off as insensitive and hurt other people’s feelings. They also tend to avoid emotional conversations, as they generally aren’t comfortable with expressing their feelings.
That said, ESTJs are receptive to feedback and have no trouble accepting criticism as long as it’s warranted and expressed objectively.
What Are ESTJs Like in Romantic Relationships?
ESTJs make reliable and responsible partners in romantic relationships. Since they seek stability and security, they strive to build a lasting bond with their significant others and put a great deal of effort into maintaining it.
Although they aren’t particularly vocal about their feelings, they take commitment seriously and are very protective of their significant others. More than anything else, they want them to know that they can depend on them through thick and thin. In return, they expect their partners to contribute to the relationship in tangible ways, which often means following their lead.
What Do ESTJs Need in a Relationship?
While each ESTJ is unique, most of them can’t imagine a perfect relationship without:
- Appreciation and support. Besides having their efforts acknowledged and appreciated, ESTJs want to know that they can count on their significant others at all times.
- Unwavering commitment. For ESTJs, loyalty is non-negotiable in romantic relationships. Since they take commitment seriously, they also expect their partners to fulfill their relationship responsibilities.
- Effective communication. ESTJs believe that honesty is the best policy and want their partners to communicate their needs and thoughts clearly and openly.
What Are the Challenges of Dating ESTJs?
Here are some potential challenges you may encounter if you’re dating an ESTJ:
- Need to be in charge. Assertive and strong-willed, ESTJs like to take the lead and call the shots in their relationships, which may not be acceptable for some people.
- Lack of emotional expression. To say that commitment is the love language of ESTJs wouldn’t be an understatement. They commonly believe that the fact that they’re with you should be enough for you to understand that they love you. Needless to say, they aren’t the touchy-feely types.
- Insensitivity. Oftentimes, ESTJs struggle to attend to their partners’ emotional needs, as they like to remain rational and objective at all times.
What Are ESTJs Like as Friends?
As friends, ESTJs are trustworthy, enthusiastic, honest, and loyal. Being extroverted, they often have quite a few people they can call friends. Since they are rather principled and opinionated, though, they tend to befriend people who hold similar views and values to them.
While some personality types seek to build a strong mental or emotional connection with their friends, ESTJs prefer to bond over shared activities and hobbies. Organized and outgoing, they often initiate and plan social gatherings rather than waiting for an invitation to hang out.
Although they tend to be highly energetic, ESTJs usually prefer to participate in familiar activities instead of trying out new things. As such, they often enjoy creating traditions with their friends.
However, perhaps the greatest quality ESTJs bring to friendships is their honesty. They can be blunt—and even abrasive—but if you’re looking for someone’s truthful opinion, you can count on an ESTJ to tell it like it is. Not to mention, they’re great at keeping promises and secrets!
What Kind of Parents Are ESTJs?
As parents, ESTJs are responsible, dependable, and typically rather strict and traditional. Unlike some, they don’t strive to be friends with their children. Quite the contrary—they tend to emphasize hierarchy and always expect their children to respect them. Striving to be great role models for their kids and teach them the right values, they usually lead by example.
ESTJ parents do everything to keep their children out of harm’s way and often define certain rules for them to follow. They also have very high expectations for their children and tend to be very firm about meeting them. Although they mean well, this can put a strain on their relationship with their kids, especially if their expectations don’t align with the child’s wishes.
While it’s undeniable that ESTJs approach parenting very responsibly and excel at creating a safe, structured, and stable home, they can be quite emotionally dismissive and demanding. To improve their relationships with their children, they should learn to accept their kids for exactly who they are—even if they’re messy, wild, or emotional.
ESTJ Cognitive Functions & Their Impact on Relationships
Last but not least, let’s explore how ESTJ cognitive functions impact their relationships:
Extraverted Thinking (Te)
As their dominant function, extraverted thinking (Te)determines that ESTJs don’t let emotions get in the way of their decision-making process. Whether it comes to work or love, they make decisions rationally rather than listening to their hearts. Also, Te is responsible for their direct, often blunt communication style.
Introverted Sensing (Si)
Since ESTJs use Si as their auxiliary function, they prefer to lead a structured, predictable lifestyle and embrace routine. They also tend to be rather conventional and often hold traditional values. For example, many ESTJ men conform to traditional gender roles in their romantic relationships and enjoy being the breadwinners of the family.
Extraverted Intuition (Ne)
ESTJs don’t use extraverted intuition (Ne) nearly as often as the above-mentioned cognitive functions. However, they may rely on it to plan surprises for their loved ones, as it ignites their creativity. Also, ESTJs may prefer to be around people who have similar political, religious, and other views due to their tertiary Ne.
Introverted Feeling (Fi)
Fi is the inferior ESTJ cognitive function, and it’s certainly their weak spot. Because of it, Executives struggle with emotional expression and often don’t have patience for people they deem overly emotional. Also, inferior Fi determines that they tend to hold universal values and morals and may frown upon people who deviate from them.
Congrats—if you made it this far, you know all there is to ESTJ compatibility!
Personality type compatibility is only one factor that plays a role in how you relate to others. Your personal experiences, tastes, cultural background, etc. may influence this as well.
Nonetheless, ESTJs are far more likely to hit it off with sensing personality types, especially those with a preference for thinking, as these are also pragmatic, rational, and honest.
Meanwhile, they may find it more difficult to relate to intuitive feelers, though any two types can get along as long as they’re mature and accepting of one another’s differences.